Monday, July 14, 2008

just when you think you've got it down...

so we've done the whole 'kid' thing for just over 7 months now. we've got our routine down, little man sleeps through the night (most times), 3 naps a day, we get smiles and giggles and even some 'words'. we are essentially forced early risers, which has brought forth alternating weekday morning jogs and weekend family strolls in the park. it's nice. it's really truly very nice and good.

saturday we were reminded once again that having a baby is always full of fun surprises and a parent (or parents in this case) must always be on their toes. case in point:

peanut (dutch) was getting bored in his johnny jump up, and i decided to take him into his room to roll around the floor and squeal (his second favourite thing to do currently). i noticed a strange yet somewhat familiar aroma as i carried him back to his room, and laid him down on his nice white blanket. vowing to check the diaper bin as soon as he was situated, i noticed a brown smear down the lower half of my arm and hand. immediately, i knew what it was and check peanut's diaper for 'issues'. i didn't even have to turn him over as i saw a streak down his leg and then to my horror i saw it all over his feet (the feet that were kicking pleasantly on the white blanket and the carpet). to further my horror i realized that he had completed his transaction probably half and hour ago and had been jumping around in the stuff on the floor ever since. i yelled for zach to check the johnny jump up and the floor beneath it as i ran to wash my arm off (first things first...).my suspicions were confirmed when i heard zach yell out SICK, IT'S EVERYWHERE!

so zach takes care of the floor and the jumper as i try to get my child off the floor and onto a towel on his changing table without getting it on me or anything else. complete failure. he kicks the towel with his poo feet and begins to rub it into the white changing pad cover. i throw him in the bathtub and hope to God everything disintegrates in the water so I don't have to touch it or smell it.

i hand him over to zach post bath so that i can concentrate on cleaning the carpet and the changing pad cover, and as i finish up i hear... SICK! HE PEED ON ME! and i turn to see a growing pee spot on the towel and a grinning peanut.

thankful that all bodily functions have shown their faces and been taken care of, we settle down to begin the bedtime routine. as i sit reading the opposites book, i hear, BLEH, and out comes spit up. a lot of it. on my clothes, on his clothes... GAH!! at this stage i am out of words and i deal with the situation with a quiet efficiency, though i do stop to announce to zach the irony of all of this happening within one hour, and mention again how gross it is.

NOW, offically, all bodily functions are accounted for, and we can rest easy that we've encountered everything he can dish out and handled it with, well, hmmm. when there just aren't words, there's always Seinfeld.


"Congratulations, Elaine, on a job...done." - J.Peterman

Thanks JP, couldn't have said it better myself.

7 comments:

Michelle said...

That is so nasty. I don't think I'm going to be able to eat my lunch now.
:)

Des said...

LOVE the story... oh the joys of motherhood... I wish I could say it gets better... but it so doesn't :)

Girish said...

Hilariously gross! Can't wait to be a dad...

LIZZY said...

yay girish, you finally left a comment! you'll be a great dad!

Anonymous said...

Thats hilarious, thanks for giving me a good laugh in the middle of my day, I needed it! - Kara

Missie Rose said...

just wait till the not to offensive 9 month baby poop turns into toddler CRAP.

:)

i'm almost back.

City Life said...

LOVED the story. You're a good writer and it made me laugh with memories of my FIVE babies...not at the same time, of course! I walked in to get my very happy baby (around Dutch's age) who had awakened from her nap. She seemed cheerier than usual and I quickly found the reason; she had smeared the "lovely" stuff all over the bed, herself and into her hair. With five kids, I can't tell you how many times we made "bee lines" straight to the bathtub, clothes and all. Thanks, again, for the smile. ~Betty