i don't remember all this with dutch. i am reminded by zach all the time that we went through all this same stuff with dutch, but i guess the mind forgets these trying times and that is how people feel compelled to have another one. and another one. and another... myself included. right now is the absolute worst time to ask me if i want to have more kids. i simply cannot answer objectively.

not that i mind so much except that i cannot do anything while i am holding him. nothing. including go to the bathroom - which brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'self control.'

i just sit and rock him and try not to stress out that i am getting absolutely nothing "productive" done all the while remembering the words of my mother (and every other mother out there with children older than mine it seems) - "cherish it; they grow up too quickly"

as a newbie to the 'multiple children' club, i am finding it really REALLY hard to adjust. dutch still has the same needs he did before lil bro came along; sometimes more, it seems. and titus, despite all the sweet and wonderful things that he is and brings to my heart, can also push me to the furthest reaches of frustration. frustration to the point of making a mental note to research partial adoption (where i'd get him back when he was around 3 years old and over all this newborn silliness); vowing to go get my birth control prescription filled the minute i am able to leave the house and wondering how soon i can get my tubes tied.

i know, i sound not a little melodramatic, but i'm just being real. sometimes i KNOW i'm being overly dramatic, but on little-to-no-sleep, one tends to automatically go there.

NOTE: i wrote this on friday... yesterday and today have been amazing (the good kind of amazing); now rethinking the whole partial adoption thing, but still getting my birth control filled tomorrow.